Monday, October 21, 2013

Finding my "J" spot

Apparently I am going to die in my 80’s. Hopefully my late 80’s surrounded by family, friends, and grandkids. All having a second line in celebration of my life. It has been a great life so far, so I am okay if it’s about half over.

Why you may ask .... because according to my family I am having mid – life crisis. Or I had one…or I may still be having it. I don't know... either way if you do the math….am "resting in peace" before 90.

My darling hubby was the first one to point out that I may indeed be having a mid-life crisis. A thought that pissed me off and intrigued me at the same time.

I would love to say he is just sooo insightful ... but who am I kidding. It was my uncontrollable sobbing after sex one night ... that may have been his first clue.

What the hell! … Are you crying?


Why are you crying?!

I will never be a ballerina nor astronaut.

Do you want to be a ballerina?

No – but that’s beside the point. You don’t understand – go to sleep.

You know ... you could still be an astronaut- if you wanted to be.

Really – that’s your advice – ugh

I am trying here – I need a little bit more to go on.

Go to sleep – I am fine.

(Long thoughtful pause) You think maybe you’re just having a mid-life crisis?

What are you saying… that I am going to die … that my life is half over …really why do I talk to you.

No – I’m just saying that – I don’t know boo… I am going just hold you now – okay

Fine – just go to sleep – I am fine.

My poor hubby - he really does love me

So how’d I end up a crying mess– well I believe I figured it out … I lost my joy. The really funny part –is that I teach "how to find your joy" to my clients. So you can see how having a crisis (mid-life or any other kind) can be viewed as a failure on so many levels... at least in my mind.

Here I was with everything I thought I wanted in life – hubby, kids, and great friends. What set me off - accomplishing a major goal of mine - buying our dream home. Something that I thought would bring me joy instead I was sad. What sorta sick person is sad because they get what they asked for. What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I unhappy?

Why because - I just kept thinking this can’t be it.

I was annoyed with everyone. If my co-worker asked me one more question I was going to go postal, if one more person defined me by my husband or kids I was going to scream. If I had to clean one more floor in this bleepin dream house – I was going to set it ablaze. All I wanted was to check into a hotel and sleep. Sad part is that when I did that I complained that I was bored the entire time.

Yep – I had lost my joy.

My mentor is the one who gave me my reality check.

You need to find your “j” spot

Excuse me

Your Joy spot…. What are you grateful for, what brings you joy….

(Blah, blah, blah… eyes rolling as I stared at the phone) Of course, I’m grateful for my life. I teach this crap … remember I know the drill.

Really – when was the last time you wrote it down? Just start writing again – ok?


So that's what I did – every morning I wake up and thank god for, well everything. And then write it down in my journal. Simple but it works.

As a 20 something I was in search of my “g” spot. It was all the rage and I figured finding it would bring me ultimate pleasure…at least for 2-3 minutes.

As a 40 something – I am in search of my “j” spot. I figure finding it will bring me ultimate pleasure… at least for the next 20-30 years...

Here’s to finding your “J” spot.

Monday, October 14, 2013

The slippery slope of friendship

I am open to being wrong – but I am still not sure I am. I recently converted a “Holiday” friend – into a “commuter” friend. He called to say happy birthday and basically that one phone conversation led to another and he got promoted to my commuter group  
You know the people you catch up with on your daily commute. Mine consist of my mom, one cousin and two girlfriends. Just for the record - I have tried multiple times to add my husband to the roster, but his response is always – “You’re driving – I am still working.. You’re conversation junkie …you really should get some help for that. Love you see you at home.”  

“Whatever” is my typical response and then I call my mom.

Any way I digress

My point- I quoted something my newly added commuter friend said to my cousin. A point that I thought was both was hilarious and very insightful...for a man.

Her only response – “you’re talking to him – don’t you think that's a slippery slope?”

“what , No, Huh... explain.”

"When Harry met Sally”   Her way of saying - do you honestly think men and women can be friends.

To be clear I never really thought about it one way or the other. Here was someone that laughed at the stories about my job, my kids, my world. Someone that challenged my liberal leaning politics – he was basically my girlfriend with one exception he has a penis.

So yes – I do believe that men and women can be friends.  The foundation of a great relationship is conversation, a sense of connection, and shared experiences. To be fair- isn’t that the starting point of any friendship? Why would it matter if the friendship is with the same sex or the opposite sex. If the real question is – "Is it appropriate for a married woman to have a friendship with a man she not married too?" My argument is still the same - how is it any different from my relationship with a girlfriend. Especially if sex, or a physical connection is not even part of the equation.

Why can’t men and women be friends?

I think I may have answered my own question. Recently something happened at work that I was really looking forward to sharing with my friend. I knew he would appreciate the story, because he knew just how important it was to me.  As I picked up the phone I paused …not because I wanted to share the story but because he was the first person I thought to share it with. Right, wrong or indifferent found myself comparing my friendship with this man, to the one I have with my hubby. Yes, it is apples to oranges…. But I still compared. It was the first time that I truly understood my cousin slippery slope comment.

For the record – he is no longer in my commuter community. And the simple fact that I miss talking to him – lets me know I made the right choice. We are still friends – but he is back to the “holiday” friend.

So yes I still believe that men and women can be friends – but it is one theory I don’t plan on testing.

Monday, October 7, 2013

“40” – it’s the new 16

Please believe the hype – forty truly is fabulous. I can’t say what it is like for all forty years old women. But for me (and most of my friends) - It’s an age where my children are out of the baby stage, my career is getting into a grove, my marriage is fun and comfortable. I have made peace with my stretch marks and I have finally forgiven my children for my saggy boobs. In fact, now that I have a great bra - I have really have started to appreciate my body.

Basically life is pretty good – In fact my only annoyance is the hormones. And no I am not talking about “the change of life”. Menopause – that I am prepared for and can deal with – nope I am talking about the 16 year old – hormonal teenager that has taken over my body.

My hormones are on fire – I feel like a 16 year old boy…. All I think about is sex – seriously. Trust me on this – it is actually embarrassing. For example I got distracted mid conversion with girlfriends – because a rather nice looking and smelling man walked by. This isn’t so bad – except I was the one talking at the time. Or the time I made a grown man blush, because of the way I looked at him. The sad part was I wasn’t even thinking about him. At first my husband loved all the attention – but now my advances are met with …“really again?!”

How do teenage boys make it through high school? If the average male thinks about sex 13 times a day. I can only image how much a teenage boy thinks about it.

I do have some theories on this new stage in my life. I believe it the combination of a few things - I am no longer worried about getting pregnant. At every stage in my life ... I have always worried about pregnancy (avoiding it or trying to make it happen.) I am in a committed relationship... I have the privilege of being with someone that knows and loves me. I am comfortable in my own skin. And while cross fit three times a week helps - There is something extremely sexy about acceptance of yourself. And last I’m young enough to still do it and old enough to do it really well.

Forty is a great age.  And for all you young ladies that have so much on your plate that sex is the last thing on your mind - 1) I completely understand and 2) let your spouse know –the pendulum will swing the other way – and that forty is fabulous. And as for me I am hoping that I eventually level out – me thinking about sex all the time is exhausting… at least for hubby.  


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Mom - The Unwanted Toy

As most of you know I am the proud parent of two wonderful girls… I love these girls and thank god regularly for them.. This year my oldest started Kindergarten and my youngest started daycare. I was so excited that I took the day off to basically cry…. And then go to the movies (smile)

The first day was finally here – I could not stop taking pictures of the oldest one - one in the house, one of her putting on her school uniform, one of her putting on her book bag. One of her getting in the car.. you get the picture. Anyway my five year old was smiling at first – enjoying every minute of the attention she was getting – until we actually got to school. I parked the car and we stood there waiting to be let in the building. Of course we were 15 minutes early. As we waited - we both noticed the other kids. The older kids were talking among themselves, the younger kids all just look confused. You could tell that everyone was excited about the first day. Especially me, I was the crazy lady with the camera, but for the record I was not alone. I asked my child to stand in front of the classroom so that I could take just one more picture. Do you know that she gave me a look and sighed “Mooom” . I was embarrassing my 5 year old – aren’t they suppose to be at least 12 before they are embarrassed by you.

“Okay, fine…” I put up my camera and behaved myself. To add insult to injury … she will not let me walk her to class. She kisses me at the end of the hallway and then waves. At that point I really wanted to cry.

Speaking of crying… that is all my youngest did her first day at the daycare – I heard her screaming as I left the building. The guilt was overwhelming. I have so many thoughts - Maybe she too young, is the nanny still available, are the teachers going to be nice to her.

Mind you – this is the same loving school that my oldest went to and still attends for afterschool. So I know the people are great. But it does not stop my heart from breaking as she screams “dada” (has not said mama, but that is another story ) at the top of her lungs . Anyway, this goes on for four days. Each day breaking my heart just a little more than the previous day. I am seriously rethinking this decision. On the fourth day- We walk into the classroom and on cue my child starts to cry. Her very smart teacher looks at her and says
“Honey, come here and sit at the table. It’s time for snack”

Do you know this child, the one that just could not bear to leave my side. Scrambled off my hip and ran to sit down. She sold me out for one cracker , not a handful , not even a really good cookie , one Ritz cracker. As she sat there eating her cracker – she waved and said bye dada… Gotta love my children.

So in a nut shell – though my children are the beginning and end of my world – I am apparently the unwanted toy. Not cool enough to be seen with the older one and I can be traded by the younger one.

You have to love mother hood

Friday, July 30, 2010

As Seen On TV

I am a “As Seen On TV” junkie. I did not think I was, but as I sat down to write this blog – it occurred to me – I have way too many of these products. From the worlds’ large cupcake, the sham wow & the instyler to heelastic & the hands free toothpaste dispenser... I cannot get enough of this stuff.  The game I play- calculate how much the free gift will cost you. It amuses me to no end when the product is absolutely free, but the shipping and handling will cost you double the retail price of the product. So even though I love all these product I usually end up buying them at Bed, Bath & Beyond.

Anyway – the newest “As Seen On TV” product to catch my attention Barelifts. It is basically a really big bandage for your breasts. In theory, they help keep your breast in place without a bra. Now the reason why I am so interested in this particular product is because my girls have gone south. They use to be so proud and perky.  And even though I am back at my proud and perky weight– sadly they are not.

I decided to order because the infomercial spoke directly to me…

No surgerygood because that was coming out of the girls’ college fund

Look great in a swimsuitis that all it takes

Wear backless outfitshave not worn that in years… sign me up

Order right now and we will double your order just pay shipping and handling

I am hooked – I must have this product right now

As I sit at the computer – I remind myself – that they will not entice me with any additional products. I’m going to order the product, nothing extra. And believe me... they try to sell me everything from a cubic zirconia diamond ring to privacy petals. If you don’t know- privacy petals are used to cover your nipples. I say no to everything … and wait for my product.

They arrive a week later. Perfect timing – I am going to party at my dad’s club that evening and I have a white backless dress that I want to wear.

The product is an upside down "U" shaped band-aid. The edges go around your nipples and then you lift the top part and stick the band-aid to the top of your breast. And as promise they work, I will admit I am a little surprised. Amazing- the girls are at attention. And I don’t have a bra on. There is only one small problem. I now know why they were pushing the privacy petals so hard. My nipples are pointed up and to the right on one side and up and to the left on the other. Last I checked nipples did not belong under your underarms. I look crazy. The dress is rather tight – so you can clearly see the outline of each nipple. So I improvise – I take actual band-aids (if you have read previous blogs you know I always have band-aids) and place them across the nipples.

It worked.

Look out world here I come...