Sunday, March 1, 2009
Romancing the Past
As I am laying in bed that evening ....This train of thought starts me down the road of romancing my past- I remember all the "adventures" we had. From the golf course to the weekend getaways.. the feeling I use to get just by standing next to this man... still makes me warm after all these years ...
Why did I ever let that go?
Then I remember ... he cheated on me with my "friend", he did not speak to me for 3 years (that one was my fault ) and he broke my heart into a million pieces. The day before he married his first wife...we spent the day together, no "adventures" just conversation.. I begged him not to get married. He told me that he loved me more than life itself... and got married 8 hours later . The irony of it - I was living with his parents that summer, so I got to see the lovely couple the very next day. I just remember smiling till it hurt and crying myself to sleep for a week (okay a month). Till this day he says I never truly forgave him.. he may be right.... who knows.
But despite all of that, we are best friends and I still love him to death . The love we had was unconditional. The kind where you love a person not despite their faults , but because of them. You know that hormonal teenage love that engulfs your whole world at the time. That love was so wonderful I spent years looking for that feeling again. I finally found it when I met my husband - which explains why I married him within 12 months of meeting him. He asked me to marry him on our second date. I believe my first love found it with his second wife.. not that he has ever said that. But I once told him that we could not be real friends until we both had as much to lose , so that we would never cross that line. He called me one day after he got married and said we were real friends.
I will admit that I think about what could have been. Maybe we are soul mates who could have been blissfully happy for 60 + years or maybe my bossiness and his passive/aggressive behavior would have landed us in divorce court. I don't know. I do know that I enjoy the drama of being "the one that got away" and periodically romancing my past.
One thing for certain - I am blessed to have a friend that I love and cherish after all these years.
Now if you excuse me I am going to Romance my present - I believe he just woke up and I love morning "adventures".