I am a “As Seen On TV” junkie. I did not think I was, but as I sat down to write this blog – it occurred to me – I have way too many of these products. From the worlds’ large cupcake, the sham wow & the instyler to heelastic & the hands free toothpaste dispenser... I cannot get enough of this stuff. The game I play- calculate how much the free gift will cost you. It amuses me to no end when the product is absolutely free, but the shipping and handling will cost you double the retail price of the product. So even though I love all these product I usually end up buying them at Bed, Bath & Beyond.
Anyway – the newest “As Seen On TV” product to catch my attention Barelifts. It is basically a really big bandage for your breasts. In theory, they help keep your breast in place without a bra. Now the reason why I am so interested in this particular product is because my girls have gone south. They use to be so proud and perky. And even though I am back at my proud and perky weight– sadly they are not.
I decided to order because the infomercial spoke directly to me…
No surgery – good because that was coming out of the girls’ college fund
Look great in a swimsuit – is that all it takes
Wear backless outfits – have not worn that in years… sign me up
Order right now and we will double your order just pay shipping and handling
I am hooked – I must have this product right now
As I sit at the computer – I remind myself – that they will not entice me with any additional products. I’m going to order the product, nothing extra. And believe me... they try to sell me everything from a cubic zirconia diamond ring to privacy petals. If you don’t know- privacy petals are used to cover your nipples. I say no to everything … and wait for my product.
They arrive a week later. Perfect timing – I am going to party at my dad’s club that evening and I have a white backless dress that I want to wear.
The product is an upside down "U" shaped band-aid. The edges go around your nipples and then you lift the top part and stick the band-aid to the top of your breast. And as promise they work, I will admit I am a little surprised. Amazing- the girls are at attention. And I don’t have a bra on. There is only one small problem. I now know why they were pushing the privacy petals so hard. My nipples are pointed up and to the right on one side and up and to the left on the other. Last I checked nipples did not belong under your underarms. I look crazy. The dress is rather tight – so you can clearly see the outline of each nipple. So I improvise – I take actual band-aids (if you have read previous blogs you know I always have band-aids) and place them across the nipples.
Look out world here I come...